Is it REALLY a man's "responsibility?"

What's up fam? I have a question for you all today that might lead (hopefully) to a positive deconstruction of an issue facing many black people today. If a man and woman are in a relationship where the guy has stated clearly that he does not want kids, and the woman ends up pregnant with his baby, should the man be responsible? Before my head gets bit off for asking "such a ridiculous question", allow me to use an example.

Most people flip out when they receive a Christmas gift that doesn't quite fit, a gift that was obviously someone else's before it was given to you, or some bullshit that you'd never wear or use. However, you're often comforted with the realism that, if you know where it is purchased (regift excluded), you can take it back for exchange.

Now imagine that you've been mandated to wear/use said gift without your consent for 18 years. 18 YEARS! Doesn't matter what event you have to attend or where you work, you have to wear that ugly ass sweater with the matching beenie because you decided to participate in the "Secret Santa" at work and were chosen by the most clueless gift giver in the history of gift giving. Oh and if you don't wear the sweater/beenie combo, you'll be fined up to 60% of your pay check.

Now 85% of the people who just read this would think "that is a fucked up situation to be in. I'm never signing up for that fucking Secret Santa bullshit again." While the remaining 15% just like ugly ass sweater/beenie combinations and are excited about the prospect of never having to look for what to wear in the morning again. But this situation happens every single day. And while you can never compare the "joys of parenthood" to someone's fucked up taste in clothes, everyone can relate to getting something they absolutely did not want. Sadly, when dealing with children, it's usually the men that get stuck with the bill for a gift they never asked forfrom a store that has recently went bankrupt.

To the women: If you are so focused on being mothers, even after being told that you are the only one feeling that way, why not have your kid and go along on your merry way? Why is it that guys have to pay for something YOU wanted? You all claim to be independant women. Well part of that independence is accepting the responsibility of a decision you made single-handedly. Be happy with your sweater and beenie and and take pride in knowing you chose that.

p.s.- Sorry about the beenie/sweater references, but I'm still salty from Christmas.

Comments

jay,

After reading the first part I didn't eveb bother reading the example part(tho I'll admit I should have)...to be honest if a man doesn't want kids wear a condom and if he does want them at all get ya tubes cut. Even if she poked holes in the condom I would say that's your fault for sleeping with a chick you clearly don't know well enough...people kill me sometimes with there reason aka excuses!!!

Jayshollywood.blogspot.com

2010-02-05 14:07:38

Ummm,

It takes TWO people to make a baby! As Jay said above if dude dont want kids wrap it up, pull out and pray or get a vasectomy. Sure - women sometimes trap men by saying they are on birth control, but if people are practicing safe sex - as we all should be if we dont want kids or STDs then he has nothing to worry about. So to answer your question YES it is a mans responsiblity to protect himself if he doesnt want to have kids, just like its a womans responsiblity to take birth control. No man is forced to go raw and ejaculate inside the chick. That was mutually decided between the couple. Men know how babies are made! Dudes have no one to blame but themselves - Man up and take care of your kid. You made the bed now lay in it!

2010-02-05 15:15:44

This is pretty sad...,

@Author - How old are you? It is unfortunate to think that you ask this question with the intent of all seriousness.

All men need to realize that there is always the potential to make a woman pregnant during sex. Regardless of birth control or not, it can happen.

Therefore, looking at the worst case scenario - if this woman you are laying with in your mind would not make a good mother, then you have no business sleeping with her, in the first place.

Secondly, if you know deep in your heart that you do not want or wish to have children, then you should seek permanent sterilization. As the other two posters above suggested, take responsibility for your own actions. If you are going to participate in sexual intercourse with women, know your options before you make a mistake that you may regret.

Lastly, I pray that you have made an appointment with a urologist in order to schedule the vasectomy. If you mind is made up, then go ahead and do what you have to do.

2010-02-05 20:47:50

Felicia d,

I feel that whenever you lay with someone there's a possibility of getting pregnant. Men shud be responsible to a certain extent. But knowinly that he does not want a child and she does. He shud not sleep with her. The purpose of having sex is to reproduce. Perphaps he shouldn't have sex. If she wants a child so badly. There are sperm banks. And a vascetomy shoud be perform. So he doesn't have to ask dum questions like this.

2010-02-05 22:32:00

You dumb ass,

I should wocka flock yo ass for pitching such a stupid point. Of course it is a mans responsibility to 'protect' himself from AnY unwanted result of consensual sexbetween adults! Condoms my dude. Look up the word, learn the meaning, then use it in a twat. EVERY time! Stupid hewhore!

2010-02-06 00:48:16

but...,

Where is the woman's responsibility? I was saying in the post that since a woman ultimately has the final say in the matter, if she chooses to keep it its her responsibility

2010-02-06 01:27:22

RIF - Reading is Fundamental,

If a man gets a woman pregnant he will have to yield in all decision making as far as the pregnancy going full term to that woman.

The man has no rights - and rightfully so. If you do the crime, you will do the time - trust and believe.

So, as much as a man can scream "I do not want to have any children, or I did not want to have a baby" just think about Family Court. Pertaining to child support issues, a judge will ask the man if he knew he did not want to have children, why on earth were you having sex with her?

If she 'chooses' to keep the baby, then that father or DNA donor will have to spend the next 18 - 22 years (that is if the child goes to college because if they do, mandatory child support payments continue until they finish) financially helping out the mother who birthed his child - no exceptions, no if's and's or but's. If they are able to prove through paternity testing that you are the father and you protested it, that judge may make you pay for the DNA testing too.

2010-02-06 07:09:46

marcus,

i agree with jay. what kind of question is this. hope your just young and will learn,not the hard way though.

2010-02-06 10:43:38

Peanut Butter,

@ the author RIF summed it up perfectly. I'm afraid that you completely missed the point that previous commenters had made. You cease to be less culpable when the woman becomes pregnant simply because she decides to keep the child. Your sperm is your responsibility, and if you decide to place yourself in a position where you can impregnate someone, then unfortunately for you the resulting child also becomes your responsibility.
The best that you can do is not let that child sense that you did not want them - children are very perceptive.

2010-02-06 14:06:48

mto reader,

@jay...Damn that's all i gotta say about that!...LOL

2010-02-06 17:10:03

You so damn stupid,

Do you read? How about try to understand psychology and sociology try that, then you will know how important it is to have a father figure. Jackass!!

2010-02-06 20:13:27

Ass,

You're responsible for your OWN actions so if she gets pregnant you're part of the blame, just put a condom to help prevent preganacy along with her birth control. As the previous comments don't have sex if you don't want any kids because nothing is 100%!!!!

2010-02-07 08:09:43

@ mto,

lol..i get it(wink)

2010-02-07 12:09:08

chiklava,

hey guys i know some chicks who have isues with condoms and who really want to have a baby with some nigga and they jsut say dont warri I'm on the pill and condoms make me sick so you hump away and teh next thing sh'es preggaz at first she will act like she can take care of herself the next thing you are in court..so I understand where the authro comes from

2010-02-08 07:22:50

If you don't want kids you make it YOUR responsibility not to have any - get a vasectomy or use dual methods of birthcontrol. If the woman won't consent to using condoms and birth control together tell that bitch bye.. too mnay times men are stupid and listen to women who say I'm on the pill and next thing you know unwanted pregnancy but its nobody's fault but your own if you knock up a bitch and you didn't want to... let those potential fetuses go down her throat if you feel that strongly about it....

2010-02-08 12:16:39

GQ,

I'm conflicted because I can see both points. Guys definitely need to handle their responsibilities when they present themselves. However, as the post, states, where is the woman's responsibility in this? Do the women making these decisions know what position they are putting the child in by not having a nuclear family? Will the woman be able to handle the responsibilities of raising the child by herself assuming, that since the dad didn't want kids, he wont be there? Guys, wrap up until they make a pill for us. Women, stop using kids as cute accessories or ploys to keep a man.

2010-02-10 17:00:28