Am I gay?

Whether I press the send button to this message may be another thing, but at least if I type it really fast I'll get it off my chest!

For sooooo long now my only fantasy is to just kiss a woman, I mean a proper kiss (not any of those silly "air kisses"..), it's ridiculous, years have gone by...lots of years, marriage has taken place, life has been lived, children have been born...still the same fantasy...it won't go away.  I think because it is so personal and belongs only to me,a part of me no-one knows about...a secret, embarrassing "couldn't-tell-anyone-face-to-face" type of thing that I am reluctant to give it up..I don't want to stop wanting it.

I was brought up in a very religious evangelical church..I now feel I was in fact indoctrinated from my junior years till I finally got married when I was 25. I stopped attending church due to major family problems.  Least to say most of my younger life was very controlled by the Church and still today, many years have passed and I still have emotional scars.  So, having hit adulthood, done all the things I am "supposed" to have done...why do I still have this feeling of not being me?

If any of the above makes even the slightest sense then my fast typing isn't as bad as I thought.  I won't check it just send it, because I already feel self conscious and silly.. I don't even know you!!!

Thanks for your time anyway.