Left the BuilDiNG!

M0ther nature has left the building ya'll! Last night I was so high and just knew i was going to get some ...but bust it baby was o so out of town. this was really dissapointing. Then bust it baby # 2 cancelled on me. This really was starting to become a bummer. So I had to go with my old boo that I stopped talking to because I was scared of my feelings. So Im so high and Im around him which meant that I had to be careful of what i said to him. He is o so dark and lovely. Like just black . He is soooooooooooooo  sexy! lol But i don't know what happens when Im around him . I just get so nervous and I lose all my confidence. I feel as if he can see right through me. I tried to end it with him and go the lets just be friends route. But he just won't let up . This makes me smile and cringe on the inside . It makes me smile because I know that he likes me too which a good thing. But i cringe because I just don't feel like myself when I'm around him. Like he wants to be serious and wants to get inside of my head and I want to keep the relationship surface like, I don't want talk about important things. The thing I'm battling with the most is just being scared period. One day when I will just not care and throw all caution out the window. Gosh I've handled everything else in my life it seems like from my mother's death, in which she was ran over by an astron van while I was not paying attention , to my self image, to my self esteem. Losing my virginity while being drunk and not having a special moment. I've gotten through all of this , yet I am still scared to let go....its seems so easy for other ppl. Well we are supposed to hang out tonight and maybe I can just let all go instead of coming back home saying I wish I would have did this and did that . Pray for me ya'll !