It felt like my feet were in cement....I couldn't move, I couldn't speak......I couldn't do anything. The man that I love is sitting here with a broken heart and it's because of me. You know how they say,"If only I could turn back the hands of time....." so much for that shit. When I finally did find my voice I didn't know what to say. I mean what do you tell someone that you love when you betray them in the worst possible way......I'm pretty sure "I'm sorry doesn't cut it"..... Someone finally cuts the silence and its Ashley,” Ricky...you're a bitch...you seriously sat there and ran your mouth like that?"  "Ran my mouth like what...My nigga needs to know what’s up before he gets married.....and now he knows that she's a hoe." At that point I'm too through. "Oh I'm a hoe Ricky? That’s interesting considering how it all went down...." Omar says," What is she talking about Ricky..." "I don't know man...where is Tiana so we can go, I don't have time for this shit. I did you a favor and you sit here and try to question me….” Spicy says,” Oh you did him a favor? You slept with his fiancé how the fuck is that a favor? Omar beat his ass because if you don’t I will. And who is Tiana is that the bitch that’s driving the truck?” Finally I can’t take it anymore I walk over to Omar and I kneel down so that I can look straight into his eyes…”Baby I fucked up and I can’t blame that shit on anyone but myself. But you have to believe me when I say I did not do this on purpose. I would never hurt you like this, after all we’ve been through….after all these years….I apologize to you from my soul…but I will not stand here and be made to seem like a hoe in my own house….”  I look at Ricky and flashbacks of earlier that day flood my mind…how he walked into my house and basically played the shit out of me. I began to feel my temperature rising, I walk over to him with a closed fist and punch him rite in his face…Instant fist-to-mouth contact he stumbles against the wall and I walk up on him, with my finger in his face I scream, “Fuck you! You walked into MY house un-announced and un-invited.”  Omar says,” You what?” “ Oh so he didn’t tell you that part…he didn’t tell you that he stood In the doorway and watched me masturbate and then took his close off and got in the bed?....I bet he didn’t even tell you that when it was all over  he left me a nice little note too…. Telling me how this was not an accident and how you’re fucking me over and how I need a nigga like him….”  Spicy says, “Hold up….ya’ll are not going to stand here and try to make my girl out to be some trifling hoe…Omar don’t you have some ghetto broad driving the truck that she bought you as a gift? And didn’t you bring her to the restaurant tonight? Explain that because I don’t get it?” All eyes were on him; my heart started beating so fast I felt like I couldn’t breath. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear the truth, but if I continued to wonder it would kill me. I looked into his eyes hoping that from his expression I could tell which way this was going to go, but I couldn’t he sat there expressionless and said,” I have been lying to you Sasha and now it’s my turn to come clean. I’m not mad at you for cheating I expected it. I have not been doing what I’m supposed to do…take care of you and preparing to be a husband. I can’t even fault you for what happened at the restaurant tonight. I wouldn’t answer you because I couldn’t stand to see the hurt expression that was all over your face.” “Omar what is going on? “ “Let me finish. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I can’t keep lying to you. I am DL.” Ashley says,” Oh Damn….I think somebody is going to die tonight.” I am no longer in my body anymore because I see myself going to get my machete from behind my bed and slicing everybody up…Oh it was going to be a massacre in Ladera Heights. “You’re what?! DL? Wait I need to sit down. No I don’t want to sit down, I need a drink…I need the whole bottle. I want to kill you.” So now what….tell me what do you do from this point? I have been with this man for 5 years. We have been through some shit. I mean from having nothing to having a house in LaderaHeights, 2 miscarriages and a stillborn birth, and we have triumphed through it all. But this…I don’t know if I can get past this. Spicy says,” So let me get this straight. You are on the Down Low…meaning that you’re with Sasha but you fuck men on the side…on the low. Correct?”  “Yea that’s right” The spotlight is on me now. “You fuck men? Since when?”  “Since college….my first encounter happened in college and it’s been apart of my lifestyle ever since. Sasha baby I’m sorry…I love you and I want us to work through this.” I don’t know where it came from but at that point I just started laughing. I sat in the middle of the living room floor and laughed until I started crying. I mean hysterically crying…with one shoe on. Spicy and Ashley came and picked me up off the floor and laid me on the couch. Omar walked towards me and I screamed for him not to touch me. “Don’t fuckin touch me! I need a minute; I need to soke this in.”  Then out of nowhere Tiana walks in, both Spicy and Ashley walk up to Tiana and punch her. Spicy says,” that’s because you knew and you didn’t say shit.Even if you wasn't in it. You sat at that restaurant tonite and knew what the deal was.” Ashley says,” and that’s just because I felt like it. And gimmie them keys to that Range…catch the bus bitch.” I’m ready for everyone to go…I want my house to myself and I need to be with my thoughts. “Can everyone get out please? Omar take your friends and get the fuck out of my house” “But Sasha…” “Nigga don’t make me get off this couch because if I do I might hurt you real bad.”  Tiana walks outside holding her busted lip and her eye and Ricky goes to follow but Omar stops him. “Ricky you lied to me…you made it seem as if Sasha initiated this whole thing, but it was you. You tried to break us up? You know I love her I’m trying to spend the rest of my life with her. You’re supposed to be my boy why would you do that?”  Me, Ashley and Spicy are waiting for this answer, even BOSS came walking her prissy self out of her hide out and sat next to me. After what seemed like forever, he answers. “Because I’m in love with you, and I don’t want you with no one else but me.”  “Oh hell fucking no! You mean to tell me that all the nights you were not with me you were with Ricky?”  “Baby you were not supposed to find out this way.” “Obviously I wasn’t supposed to find out ever if you’re on the DL ….but now that everything is out in the open…how long has this been going on?”  “Since college he was my roommate and my first encounter.” “Okay wait, wait, wait, am I hearing this right?  You and Ricky have been fucking each other since college, during our relationship, and even now?”  He inhales and then exhales, “Yes.”  I just sit there with a bewildered look on my face,” Wow my life is a fuckin soap opera…So now what?”  “We work this out baby; I need you in my life.” Ricky hollers, “What about me Omar? What about everything we’ve been through. I fucked her ass just to prove to you that she is not the one. It’s me….After all I’ve gone through for you. The secrets and lies that I have to tell my family….the girlfriends that I’ve watched you go through while I waited on the sidelines hoping you would be true to yourself and be with me…what about my feelings? But you don’t care…it’s always been about Sasha.” He began to pace the floor and his face turns deep red, he turns to me and he’s crying,” You bitch! You don’t deserve him. He should be with me.” Then out of nowhere he slaps me across his face and I swear I saw the light. As I’m stumbling to get off the ground I hear a click I turn around and there’s a gun pointed rite at my head. He says,” He will not spend the rest of his life with you..." Omar says," Shit Ricky put the gun down, you don't want to do this." " I don't? thats funny now all of a sudden you want to act like you care about what I do...Oh it's because Ms.Sasha is in danger, now your captain save a hoe!" I'm slowely trying to back up from this fool , he has this deranged look in his eyes and I really think he's capable of pulling that trigger...a million thoughts are flooding through my mind at this point and I ask myself," Am I really willing to die for a Down Low brother?"